Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I look better un-naked...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
