I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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