if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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