O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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