I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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