She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
