My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
