I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
