I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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