Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
