May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
