The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
