I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
