so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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