I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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