Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
