At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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