im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
