the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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