so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
