Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
