Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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