Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
