my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
