So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
