This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
