You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
