In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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