so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
