Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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