Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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