My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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