Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
