I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
