Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
