Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
