At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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