Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
