Its about making memories worth repressing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
