were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
