why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
