No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My first STD was from a foam party
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
