Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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