I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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