Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
