I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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