I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
