i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
