woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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