I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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