He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
