just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Congratulations! We have a period
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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