the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
