i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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