The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
