Who wears a wallet chain?!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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