i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
