i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
